


Follow the Sun

by orphan_account



Series: No Feeling Like Finally Being Free [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe- Circus, M/M, Some Fluff, The other little mix girls are only mentioned, also Simon is mentioned, but it's in the 40's and google can only tell you so much, harry basically worships louis's ass, harry is underage but it's fine, harry kinda pines after louis, im sorry i suck with tags, no smut but definitely in the sequel, sorry about the inaccuracies, they don't date till he's 18 anyways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 13:21:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7362973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I didn’t look everything up, so because this story takes place in America in the 40’s, some things                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        are off, like clothing descriptions and slang and such, but I tried. Also, some websites gave different answers for different things, so I just kinda took one of the answers and went with it. Again, sorry if I messed up, but I don’t know much about the time period other than the fact that it’s during WWII. Hope it’s not absolute shit!<br/>(Also, Louis might use some British terms, but he is an American. The reason why he uses them is because his mother is an immigrant from the UK.)<br/>Song name is from Ready to Run- One Direction (because i'm a hoe for these bitches)</p>
    </blockquote>





	Follow the Sun

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LouisBlue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouisBlue/gifts).



> I didn’t look everything up, so because this story takes place in America in the 40’s, some things are off, like clothing descriptions and slang and such, but I tried. Also, some websites gave different answers for different things, so I just kinda took one of the answers and went with it. Again, sorry if I messed up, but I don’t know much about the time period other than the fact that it’s during WWII. Hope it’s not absolute shit!  
> (Also, Louis might use some British terms, but he is an American. The reason why he uses them is because his mother is an immigrant from the UK.)  
> Song name is from Ready to Run- One Direction (because i'm a hoe for these bitches)

_“Get out of here, you goddamn fag. You are a disgrace to the family, and I don’t even know why I’ve even let you stay here as long as I have.”_  
_Harry expected this would happen after what his stepfather saw Harry doing in the back of the family’s store, but he was counting on his mother to say something and be able to persuade Robin to let Harry stay. But all she did was stare with tears in her eyes._  
_“Mom?”_  
_Nothing._  
_“Mom, y-you can’t let him do this! I’m your son, please.”_  
_Anne just stood by her husband and took in the scene. Finally, she opened her mouth._  
_“Harry, he’s right. We can’t let the family name be tainted by you. You want to be gay, fine. But you can’t be here. People will realize what you are and then they’ll talk and the family will be ruined.”_  
_Harry looked at his stepfather and saw the disgusted look in his eyes._  
_“What I am is human, and do you really think I would have chosen to be gay if I knew you would kick me out? I don’t want to go, but I can’t continue living a lie. Please, Mom,” he pleaded, turning to his mother. “I’m your child. You loved me even when you had your suspicions, but now that he’s here, you have to agree with everything he says so you can live off his money.”_  
_His mother glanced up from the floor, and Harry could see the reluctant look in her eyes before she spoke once more._  
_“Get out of my house, you sinner. And never come back.”_

 

Six months since that day, and Harry can’t stop thinking about it. He had thought about finding Gemma, his older sister, but he had no idea where she was and no money to get there anyways. The only way he’s been surviving is doing odd jobs and delivered for the grocery down the street from where he temporarily lives. Surprisingly enough, Josh, the nephew of the owners was his childhood best friend before they moved away to the city.They pay him enough so he could get a small one room apartment in the middle of downtown Chicago, but it’s good. They feed him, and he has just enough money left over to buy something new each month.

“Did ya hear? The circus is in town for a few days, Styles.”

Harry looked up from the newspaper he was reading to see Josh, looking down at him. “What else do you have to say? You wouldn’t have come and told me that if you didn’t have a reason,” he replied back.

Josh huffed. Picking up the newspaper Harry had been reading, he spoke again. “Well, they travel lots, and a friend told me they lost a few of their crew members and clowns a few weeks ago, and I remember how you used to talk about traveling, so I was thinking we could go and you could try to get a job there.”

Harry thought about it. They would pay him, and give him a place to sleep, and he would get to travel to so many places for free. But was he ready? And would they even hire him? He wasn’t even 18 for 4 more months, and the only reason Josh’s uncle hired him was because he felt bad that Harry was so young yet so alone.

“Harry, just go and see if they’ll take you. It can’t hurt, and even if they say no, at least you’ve gone to see the circus.”

Josh was right. Harry had wanted to travel since he was young, and now he has the chance; why should he waste such a great opportunity. The circus may not have been his first choice, or his second. It may not have even been on his list of choices, but it can’t be too bad.

They heard the bell ring, and Josh stood up. As he was walking out of the back room, he turned around.

“Well, I gotta go ring some people up, but tell me by the end of my shift if you wanna go, and I’ll tell my dad to get someone else to cover your deliveries for the evening.”

Harry nodded and smiled down at his newspaper. He appreciated that Josh and his family looked out for him, otherwise who knows where he’d be. He decided that he would go and see if there was a job for him at the circus, and just let his life go on from there.

 

Harry learned one thing about the circus later that night. It was loud. There were fireworks and the food was fabulous. The tightrope walker guys were great, and one of the acrobats had the most amazing ass, and it might have turned Harry on, but only a bit, and besides that wasn’t the point. The point was, the manager of the circus, Simon, gave Harry a job. Granted, he was a tightrope walker, and he might have lied and said he was 18, and not 17 to ensure the spot, but at least they’re paying him good money. Also, his roommate is a guy named Louis, and Simon was mumbling something about “finally giving that wanker a roommate,” so that should be interesting.  
He was told to go get some clothes and a few personal belongings to take with him and come back later that night, as they’d like to start training him immediately to get him to perform in the next set of shows.

“You’d better come back and visit when you can, Harry. Mom and Dad will miss you. Hell, I’ll miss you. Here’s the number of the store’s phone, and you call us whenever you’re near a phone booth that works, although good luck finding one because of this damn war.” He said, handing Harry a small square of paper with numbers on it. Harry stuffed it in his pocket, making a mental reminder to put the paper in a safe place. “Just enjoy it. You’re finally getting to do the only thing you wanna do.”  
Josh rambles when he gets sad, and Harry assumes he’s sad now that they’re at the entrance of the circus. He was going to miss Chicago; it held so many childhood memories from when his mother was happy and not with that homophobic ass.

Harry smiled at Josh. “I’ll miss you too, Josh, and tell your parents I appreciate everything you’ve all done for me the past six months.”

He held out his arms and embraced Josh tightly, not wanting to let go of the only piece of home he had left. Josh was like the brother Harry never got to have. They stepped away from each other, and Josh smiled sadly and turned to walk away.

Harry watched him leave with his hands in his pockets, and turned around and looked at the somewhat controlled chaos that goes on behind the scenes of the circus. The animal trainers were herding the elephants and lions into their cages for the night, the acrobats were doing flips and stretches across the field, and the clowns were wiping off their amusing, yet slightly terrifying makeup.

There was a man about Harry’s age walking around in a turban; Harry assumed he was the fortune teller Josh and him had seen earlier. Harry approached him to ask where Simon’s office was located.

“Hi, excuse me, could you show me where Simon’s office is? He asked me to come by so he could get someone to show me around.”

The man was one of the most beautiful people Harry had ever seen, with dark hair poking out of the turban and mesmerizing hazel eyes. He gazed at Harry confused. “And who are you?” he said back, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

“Oh, I’ve just been hired today. I’m Harry.” Harry said, sticking his hand out for the man to shake. He widened his eyes in realization.

“You’re the guy Louis mentioned! He’s your roommate and wasn’t too happy to hear it; he’s the only one of us who’s never had to share caravan with anyone, so don’t take it personally if he’s a bit rude to you in the beginning; he always is to the new people. Oh–and I’m Zayn.”

Harry nodded, understanding what the man –Zayn – meant. His sister used to be like that, shutting people out until she felt they could be trusted. “So, could you show me to Simon’s office then?”

Zayn nodded, “Yeah, I just need to put my turban in my caravan, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course, I’m not in any particular hurry to get there, honestly. He’s a bit scary, so less time spent with him is a plus for me.”

Zayn laughed and began walking, motioning for Harry to tag along. “Simon can be a bit demanding and just outright terrifying most of the time, but just stay away from him unless you’re collecting your pay, or he’ll probably snap at you. He always talks about how he came to America from England with a dream, but I guess managing a circus wasn’t his dream. His assistant, Ben, is much nicer though, or at least when he’s not around Simon, but the two of them together will give you nightmares for weeks.”

Zayn paused in front of a brightly colored caravan. “This is where I live with my roommate, Liam. He’s one of the animal trainers, in charge of the elephants with our friend Niall; you’ll probably meet them both soon enough. We tend to hang around at each other’s caravans, especially Louis’s because he’s got one of the biggest ones here.”

He opened the door and immediately they were met with shouts.

“Liam, I swear to god if you touch my ass one more time I will end you.”

“Shut up, Louis, I didn’t touch you! I’m not even near you, it was Niall.”

“It wasn’t Nia– Zayn, Zayn, your boyfriend touched my ass and he won’t own up to it.”

Zayn looked back at Harry exasperated. He raised his eyebrows like ‘this is what you’ve gotten yourself into’, before turning back to the boys and speaking.

“Louis, shut up. Liam would never touch your ass, and the fact that Niall is so quiet should prove that it was him.”

Harry gazed at the scene; a blonde hanging on the top bunk in the room, and one of the brunettes cowering behind a wall of pillows he seemed to have made in defense. A third man, Louis, he assumed, was standing on the only chair in the room in a skin-tight costume and a stick in hand exactly like the ones the acrobats and tightrope walkers wore and used. Actually, he might actually be the acrobat Harry was admiring earlier, or rather the acrobat with the ass he was admiring earlier.

Harry looked at his face and was mesmerized. Louis had piercing ocean blue eyes, and feathery brown hair. He was short, definitely shorter than Harry, but his stance made him seem taller. He had a mischevious smile on his face and his eyes were glimmering.

He turned to Harry and smiled. “Who’s this, then?”

“Oh, this is your new roommate, Harry… uh, I didn’t catch your last name.” Zayn turned back to Harry.

“Styles. Harry Styles.” He said back to Zayn with his eyes still on Louis.

“Harry Styles. Sounds like a name some famous actor would have, not one of them lameo’s from the circus.” Louis commented. “I’m Louis Tomlinson, and I guess I’ll be seeing a whole lot of you, roomie.”

Of course his roommate would be the most attractive man Harry had ever seen in his life. Time to prepare for a lot of awkward boners and secret staring. Harry turned around and saw Zayn staring at him knowingly.

 _“Great, first friend I’ve made and now he knows I’m gay.”_ Harry thought to himself. _“I’ve probably gotten him to hate me now.”_  
But to Harry’s disbelief, Zayn walked straight up to the guy hiding behind the pillows and pulled him out before kissing him.  
“Harry, this is my boyfriend and roommate, Liam, and that idiot is Niall.” Zayn said with one arm around Liam’s shoulders and the other gesturing upwards toward Niall. Harry was amazed. He’d only ever met one other gay person in his life, and that was the guy from out of town that Harry had hooked up with, the very same one who kissed Harry on his front porch for his family to see, and had ultimately gotten kicked out for.

Niall then jumped down from the bunk bed to shake Harry’s hand. “So, are you uncomfortable with Zayn and Liam, then? I saw how you reacted and it didn’t seem good.”

“No, no, that’s- no.” Harry blustered. “I’m just surprised, I’ve only ever met one gay person before, and that was my– um, well, I guess you could call him my ex, but we weren’t really dating.”

Niall looked surprised. “So you are too, then?”

Harry nodded and glanced at Louis, who was gazing back at Harry.

“Well, that makes me the only straight lad in the room, which isn’t new.” Niall joked.

So Louis was gay then. Nice. Very nice. Even better than very nice, that was amazing. Harry turned to look at Louis, who was jumping off the chair he was standing on. “Well then, I better be getting to bed.” Louis cut in. “It’s a bit late, and I’ve got to get up early to practice for tomorrow’s show. Come on, Curly. I’ll show you to the room.” He waved his hands toward the door, nodding at the other boys.

Harry followed him out and turned back to say bye to the others, and saw Niall behind him. “I should leave now, because Zayn was giving Liam the ‘sexy eyes’ and I do not want to see that again.”

Louis smirked at Niall and Harry. “You do not know how many times I’ve been hiding under their beds, waiting to prank them, but instead, they decide to go at it right then. I’ve heard so much, I feel like I’m part of the damn relationship.”

Harry was liking his newfound friendships better and better every second. Niall and Louis seemed to be fun loving guys, and thank god for that, because if he was roomed with some boring guy, he would lose it.

“So, Niall, you’re Irish then?” Harry said to him.

Niall looked back at Harry. “Yeah, how’d ya guess the accent? No one ever can.”

“I had a friend when I was younger, his parents had moved here from Ireland and I guess I never forgot what the accent sounds like.”

Niall smiled back at Harry. “Yeah, I moved here from Ireland over two years ago with my older brother, Greg, hoping for a fresh start, but I joined the circus instead.

Haven’t heard from me brother in over a year, but that’s alright, we never got along well. This fucking wanker here,” he babbled, slinging his arm around Louis’s shoulder, “Thought me accent was German or some crazy shite like that.”

Louis chuckled, “Well, can you blame me? New York City, born and raised, and all the accents sort of blend together after a while. I’ve heard nearly every accent the world can throw at me by now, so you can’t expect me to know them all.”’

Niall laughed, then turned towards them and pointed at a caravan not too far from where they were. It was even more brightly colored than Liam and Zayn, and had tapistries hanging over the entrance rather than a door. “Well, that’s where I am, with my roommate, Sandy. If Louis ever pisses you off, you know where I am. I’ll see you both in the morning, I guess.”

“Bye, Niall, it was nice meeting you.” Harry responded.

Louis smirked at Niall and said, “Oi, look. Your girl’s standing in front of your caravan.”

Niall blushed and shook his head, looking at Harry. “Jade’s not my girl, we’re just friends. Besides, she’s got a boyfriend waiting for her whenever we come to Chicago.”

“Well, she’s standing there looking awfully sad, Nialler, I’m thinking boyfriend troubles. Get in there and get her to fall for your Irish charms.” Louis advised his friend. Harry agreed, the girl, Jade, had tears running down her face, and had just knelt before the door, body wracked in sobs. Niall gasped, and began running towards her. “Bye, lads. I’ll meet up with you both tomorrow, yeah?”

Harry and Louis began walking away, Louis leading the way, and Harry inconspicuously staring at his ass. In his defense, it was a really nice ass, and it sort of jiggled when Louis walked, and maybe he should stop staring before Louis notices. Harry looked around the area and saw ropes and costumes and tent canvases and even a few crazed fans that had snuck back in the circus performers only area. He hoped the circus would be everything he had hoped for, although he had a sneaking suspicion it wasn’t as great as everyone thought it would be.

Louis stopped walking and stood in front of a large caravan, much larger than the other ones he’d seen. “Well, this is home sweet home for me, and now it’s home to you too.” He said, reaching for the zipper located on his back, and unzipping the top part of the skin-tight suit he’d been wearing. “We’re the first caravan after Simon, so when we leave tomorrow night, we’ll be behind them on the train.”

Harry was confused. “Wait, what do you mean ‘on the train’?”

Louis snorted, apparently amused at what Harry said. “Did you not notice that all the caravans are on the railway? That’s how we get around.”

He opened the door, and flicked on the light switch. “Well, here it is. It’s not much, but it’s my home.” The room consisted of a set of bunk beds, both unmade, clothes scattered everywhere, a table and small couch and chair. There were pictures hung up everywhere, most of Louis himself while acrobating (is that even a real word?), and a few of a large group of people. There were small lamps, a closet, bathroom, and even a telephone on the table, which was rare. Only the rich people had their own personal telephones, but he supposed the circus made enough to allow their performers to have some luxuries.

Louis noticed Harry staring at the phone and smiled. “Not many of us have telephones, maybe five or six caravans, but it’s nice to have one, even though I have no one I could call.” Changing the topic hurridly, he pointed to the beds. “I normally sleep in the top one, so I guess the bottom one is yours, unless you’d prefer top.”  
Harry shook his head, satisfied with the bottom bunk. “No, I’d rather take the bottom. Knowing me, I’d most likely fall out of the top bunk and crack open my head.” He placed his small bag of clothes and personal belongings on the bottom bed, and looked up at Louis, who had already scurried up to the top bunk and was lounging there, half his body out of the skin-tight suit, and his bottom half still clothed.

“Um, is there anywhere I can put my stuff, or do I have to throw it across the floor as well.” Harry asked, slightly confused at the lack of order there seemed to be in the room.

Louis looked down at Harry and gestured towards the far wall, where therewas a built in set of drawers. “You can put your shit in there, since you seem to be much cleaner than I am. I tried when I first got here, but throwing my stuff in the closet and on the floor seems to work better.” He climbed down the side of the bed and began taking the suit off the rest of the way, revealing that he was wearing underwear underneath. He grabbed another set of clothes and walked into the small, boxlike bathroom.

Harry laid down on the bottom bunk and was immersed in thought. Was there even a chance with Louis? Earlier he gave no indication that he was attracted to men, and of course Harry would crush on the straight guy with the fabulous ass. But, wow, Louis’s ass was the best he’d ever seen. It was so round and it moved when he walked, and Harry just wanted to touch it. _"I need to stop thinking about his ass, or I’ll get hard, and that’ll be awful, especially now that he's my roommate,"_ he thought. But it was too late– Harry could feel his pants getting tighter.

He frantically looked for his change of clothes and grabbing them, he pulled them on quickly, and dived under the blankets. Louis walked out of the bathroom and looked at Harry confusedly.

“Are you already tired, then? I was gonna go and get some stuff to eat, if you wanted to come along.”

Harry shook his head. There was no way Louis was going to see his little problem, because he seemed like the type to never let you forget any embarrassments. “No, I’m exhausted, eventful day and all.” he lied.

“Yeah, I get that. My first day was exhausting, and all I did was move all my stuff into this room and took a long nap,” Louis responded while looking around for his left shoe. Finding it, he pulled them on and walked to the door and pulled it open. “Well, since you said you’ll probably be asleep when I get back, I’ll talk to you tomorrow then. Simon told me I’m supposed to show you which tent everything is in, and then take you to the tent you’ll be in so that you can start practicing.”

“Sounds good.” Harry replied. “Have fun…eating, I guess?”

Louis snorted. “Yeah, I will. Thanks,” he said back, walking out the door and shutting it with a soft smile.

Harry flopped back onto his bed and looked down at the tent in his pants. “Have fun eating!” he scoffed sarcastically. “I’m never gonna get him to like me.”

 

It’s been the most stressful week of Harry’s life. Being a tightrope walker is so much harder than he had assumed, and on top of that, Louis wears his body suit everywhere, so Harry’s constantly on the verge of being incredibly turned on. But back to the tightrope walking thing. Simon’s been having this other guy, Dan, teach him what they do and it’s hard because Harry is so clumsy. Like trip-over-a-blade-of-grass clumsy, and that is not good when your job depends on you being nimble. He’s only been about 3 feet off the ground, because that’s as high as he can go without hurting himself if–or rather when– he falls.

Dan’s almost given up on him, and Harry’s supposed to perform in a few days, so naturally he’s stressed because what if Simon fires him? Where is he supposed to go then?

“Hey, Curly, what’re you up to? I thought you were supposed to be rehearsing?” And there’s Louis in his tight body suit, come to distract the hell out of him. Unknowingly, of course.

Harry shook his head. “I’m no good. I have awful balance, and I’ve got no idea how I’m supposed to fix it.”

Louis smiled at him. “Well, lucky for you. I had to learn a few tricks when I started, because we acrobats have to be very well balanced as well. Want me to teach you?”

“Yes, please!” Harry begged.

Louis made his way over to him. “The first thing they told me to do in order to have great balance is to practice standing on one leg, and then switch to the other. Try it.”

Harry lifted his right leg off the ground and immediately almost fell over. “See,” he sighed. “It’s hopeless.”

“No, it’s not. You’ve got to stare at something while you do it; a fixed point. Like that chair over there. Just stare at it, it’ll help.” Louis gestured towards the chair across the room, and then demonstrated for Harry. Somehow, he managed to stay so still, he resembled a statue. “Your turn.”

Harry lifted his leg off the floor again, this time while staring at a button on the chair, and it worked. He could feel himself swaying a slight amount, but no imminent threat of falling over.

“I told you it wasn’t hopeless. Now, when you get up on the tightrope, don’t look down. Stare straight ahead, and keep your eyes on something, maybe a part of the circus tent, or a person. Practice lots, and try not to fall, because that would suck.”

Harry snorted rather unattractively, and then immediately regretted it. “Gee, thanks. Shouldn’t you be at practice as well, or are you too good for that?”

“Ha, very funny, but no, I’ve already finished, but I decided to come in here and harass you. I have to go though, I need to pester Simon about raising my pay. Doubt it’ll work, but it can’t hurt to try.” And with that, he walked out of the room, ass jiggling behind him.

Sighing, Harry turned back to the tightrope to practice using Louis’s tips, but he couldn’t concentrate on it, and kept falling off. Honestly, it seemed like the only time he could concentrate was when Louis was around, and he could only focus on Louis’s ass. “Well, shit.”

 

One month in and life still isn’t getting any easier. Harry’s better at walking the tightrope thanks to Louis's tips, but there’s been a new problem: the amount of people that think it’s hilarious to call them all “circus freaks”. Harry’s never taken well to people insulting him, so he can never shake the awful feeling that accompanies the comments. The other don’t really seem to mind the insults, but he’s caught a glimpse of Niall’s face falling once or twice as a result, so maybe he isn’t alone.

Another problem: Louis seems to never take off his tight suit, and has taken to doing flips everywhere, which isn’t doing much to tame Harry’s imagination. He’s also been calling Harry “doll” and “love”, and does that make him happy.

“Hey, love, can you run down to Niall’s and see if the fucker can’t give me back my shoes? I’d go down there myself, but you know, no shoes.” And there goes Harry’s heart, skipping beats and such. It’s gotten to the point where he would do anything for Louis, and Louis knows. He’s taken advantage of it now, ordering Harry around unnecessarily, but Harry loves it. He loves the attention. Granted, he’s always loved attention, always put on shows for his parents when he was younger, but it’s different with Louis.

“Well, are you gonna get up anytime soon? I’m not paying you to sit around on your ass, Styles.”

“You’re not paying me at all, idiot. Simon is, and I actually do my job.” Harry retorted, getting up and walking to the door.

“Oi, is that a dig at me?

Harry smirked. “I don’t know, is it?”

And that was a summary of their relationship. Jokes and friendly cuddles and remarks that could be taken as insults, but never were. And yet, Harry wanted more. Always more.

 

Three months, and the only thing that’s changed is now, they go on adventures in the city. Louis said it would be fun, and Harry always does as Louis says, so now it’s just a daily thing.

_“So, how’s your first three months been, Styles? Bet they were better than you said they’d be.”_

Harry laughed at Josh. “No, it’s actually not been as cool as I thought. The performances are great but practices aren’t great because the other tightrope walkers aren’t very nice. They seem to think that I’m the spawn of Satan because I nearly always mess up.”

 _“I mean, what else did they expect of you? You can’t walk in a straight line without falling over, how are you gonna balance on a thin piece of rope?”_ Josh responded, the phone crackling.

“Tell that to them,” Harry responded, staring idly out the window.

The door to his caravan burst open then, startling Harry and causing him to drop the reciever on the ground. “Oi, Curly, we’re going exploring in D.C. today. Who’re you on the phone with?” he said loudly. Harry had discovered that Louis had only two volumes: loud and burst-your-eardrums loud.

 _“Harry, who’s that? Harry?”_ Josh shouted.

“It’s only Louis. We’re going exploring today, so I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later, give your mom and dad my love.” Harry said hurridly. Days out with Louis were always fun, and they always ended up doing something Harry thought illegal, but never wanted to say anything about it. Once they gotten lost though, and ended up coming back to the circus grounds the next day, having spent the night on some bench in some park.

Josh chuckled. _“Alright, Harry. Call next time you have a few minutes. Miss you lots, man. Oh, and tell Louis I say hello.”_

Harry looked up at Louis, who was fiddling with the fabric of his coat and practically jumping off the walls in excitement. “Josh says hello.”

Louis snatched the phone from Harry’s hand roughly and practically yelled into it. “Hi, Josh, we’re in a hurry, Harry will call you back soon, bye, bye, bye.” He slammed it back into its cradle and pulled Harry out of his chair and swung him aroung the room. “Let’s go, Haz! Get your damn shoes on, and we’ll stop by Niall’s and Zayn and Liam’s and grab them.”

Harry was surprised. Normally these adventures were just the two of them. “They’re coming with us too? That’s new.”

Louis smiled. “They’ve been harassing me about it, because I used to go with them before you got here, but now you’re here, and you’ve never seen any of these cities, so you are my priority. Now let’s go, we’ve got lots to do before dark.”

Harry’s his priority. Louis just said that, and wow he moves fast. How is he already out the door? Harry quickly pulled on his favorite black coat that Louis had bought for him the past week and rushed out the door behind Louis, straight into the crisp wind that typically accompanies early March. The circus was bustling with people running after their screaming children, and the screaming children chasing after clowns. Harry was happy that he didn’t have to work today, he just wanted to go and have some fun, preferably away from the noise. He could see Zayn, Niall, and Liam walking towards them quickly, seeming just as annoyed with the crowd as Harry was. He had a sneaking suspicion that although everyone chose to work at the circus voluntarily, everyone actually despised the place, hence the reason why everyone goes to the city everytime they have a chance to.

“Morning, lads! Have you seen my new shoes yet? Jade got them for me yesterday. She’s such an amazing girl, dunno how I got so lucky with her.” Niall exclaimed happily. Harry watched him fiddle with his fingers with a bright smile on his face. Harry could only hope that one day he’d find someone who made him as happy as Jade made Niall.

“You really like her, don’t you.” Harry said quietly. Sometimes, seeing other people in love made Harry feel horrible, because he knew that his chances of finding a man who returned his feeling was going to be very hard, simply because it was rare you ever met someone who was gay.

Niall smiled back at Harry. “Yeah, I do. I think I might even love her, and it might seem too soon to say that, but you’ve got to remember, I’ve wanted her since the day I saw her two years ago.”

“Well, we’ve got to get going.” Louis interjected loudly. “I’ve got plans for us and it's been a while since I’ve been to the capital. Been hearing rumors that Walt Disney might be in the city today and I’d like to meet him, tell him all about how Lottie and Fizzy had a dream of becoming the next Snow White. Those two nearly drove me insane with their chatter about how lovely she was, and how she could communicate to animals.”

“How are we gonna meet him? The city’s fucking enormous and no one knows where he is, or even if he’s there today,” Zayn responded, voicing Harry’s doubts. Louis always had crazy ideas, but they nearly always somehow worked out, surprisingly enough. This one, however, seems a bit too crazy to happen.

“C’mon, lads. Have some faith in Louis, won't you? I mean, he got us into the Statue of Liberty last year for free, and we didn’t even go to jail. We’ll be fine,” Niall cried. He walked off to the exit of the circus, or rather skipped off, gaining some strange looks from the surrounding people. Louis turned to Harry and grabbed his arm and took off running, practically dragging Harry along.

 

“Man, I’d nearly forgotten how fun these outings can be, Louis.It’s a shame we didn’t find Disney, but wow. I’m coming along from now on,” Liam sighed contently, leaning on Zayn, who wrapped his arm around Liam’s shoulders.

Louis grinned. “Nah, these are mine and Harry’s thing from now on. Don’t whine, Liam,” He said over Liam’s objections.”I brought you three along for nearly two years. It’s Harry’s turn now.” That made Harry feel warm inside. The little things Louis said and did made Harry feel incredibly special. No one had ever really done things for him, other than his mother and Gemma. He smiled and caught the eye of Zayn, who smiled back knowingly. Suprisingly enough, Zayn was still the only one who knew about Harry’s not-so-little crush on Louis. He knew that he wasn’t being very secretive, what with the longing glances he gave Louis, or the fact that he would always drop everything when Louis asked him to.

Louis nudged Harry and offered him a bite of his sandwich he had bought at a drive through they went to. Somehow, they managed to get food even without a car. They just walked right up and asked for what they wanted, and they got their food, along with some confused looks. Harry stuffed himself on so many roast beef sandwiches and milkshakes that he was having some trouble walking, and seeing Louis’s sandwich was causing him to feel nauseous. Sensing his discomfort, Louis ate the last few bites of his sandwich and wrapped Harry’s arm around his shoulders and said, “Lean on me. I can handle it, it’s not like you weigh much, ya skinny twig.”

Making their way back to the circus grounds proved to be difficult. Louis and Niall kept having to sit down because they had eaten the most, and Zayn was just being “a rude and whiny cunt”, according to Niall. Finally, they were able to hobble back, and were met with gasps from Jade who ran over to them and began fawning over Niall, who was in the middle of them all, drunk and wobbly, which, when did that happen? Harry swore the last time they made any stops, Niall was as sober as the rest of them, but they did stop at a bar, and Niall did take quite a while in the ‘restroom’.

“Har-Harry, I have seeecret. Do you wanna hear it?” Niall slurred. He leaned into Harry and pushed his mouth agains Harry’s ear. “I know you liiike him,” he whispered.  
Harry looked around frantically to see if anyone had heard Niall’s rather loud whisper.

“Niall,” he hissed. “Who told you that? That’s not tr-”

“Oh, save it for someone who might actually believe you. It’s so obvious. I mean, you stare at him all the damn time, mate,” he said.

Harry blushed. If Niall, one of the most oblivious people he knew, had figured it out, then who else could have guessed it? He was sure Liam knew as well, which would explain the looks he gave Harry and Louis when they were being touchy-feely. God, what if Louis knew as well?

“Mommy! Look, it’s some of the circus freaks! Can I touch them?”

Harry felt his heart sink. This was a fairly regular occurance and one of the reasons he resented working here. He looked around for the source of the voice, and saw a young girl, maybe 11 or 12, pointing at them and smirking. Harry didn’t know how she knew who they were, since he wore makeup, but maybe she recognized Louis and assumed the rest of them were. Her mother was a few steps behind her and looked embarrassed at what her daoughter had said.

“No, sweetie, they’re not circus freaks. Don’t say that, it’s rude. I’m so sorry,” she apologized to the group. “She doesn’t have a filter. It’s awfully embarrassing.”

Liam, bless his heart, saw the varying looks of embarrassment on everyone’s faces, and spoke up for them. “It’s alright, ma’am. She’s only a child, and we get that daily, so we’ve learned to just go with it.”

The mother ushered her daughter away in a rush, apologizing profusely as she walked away. Niall had sobered up slighly during that exchange, and Zayn and Louis were looking a bit down. Jade was clinging onto Niall for support. Louis glanced at Harry and saw him looking as well.

“Can we go back to our room, Harry? I’ve still got to practice today. Simon’s asked us to perform some new stunts, said we needed a change.” Louis asked, making his way over to Harry and grabbing onto his hand, practically dragging him back. Harry waved to the others as they made their way back to their rooms as well, mumbling goodbye’s and see-you-later’s.

Louis stormed into the room and flopped onto Harry’s bunk, seemingly too tired to make his way up the ladder to his own bunk, which was a reoccuring thing. He patted the space beside him and waved Harry over from the doorway, where he was just standing and taking in the scene. Louis was just so amazingly good-looking and Harry just wanted Louis to fuck him, and why was he still standing so far away when the most gorgeous person ever just invited him to lay on the bed with him?

He maneuvered around Louis’s stray shirts and shoes and the occasional sock to his bed. He sat on the edge and took off his coat and shoes, and was just about to get up and hang his coat up but Louis groaned, and wow, that was a sound he wanted to hear on repeat for the rest of his life. He tossed his coat on the chair by the beds and sat down cautiously beside Louis because this had never happened before. He had never been invited over before. Sure, he normally wedged his way onto the bed anyways, and Louis always went with it, but this was different.  
He felt a jab in his side and glanced down, and saw Louis looking at him confused. “Well, are you gonna lay down or just sit there like a statue, love?”  
Harry slid down the bed and lay on his back, looking up at the bunk above them, but then saw that Louis was on his side looking at him, so he rolled over.

“You know, I’ve never heard you talk about your family, and I don’t understand that. You seem like a family guy, you know? Someone who, when given the opportunity, would talk about his mother and father and siblings for hours. Tell me about them, Harry, will you?” Louis asked.  
And really, what would be the harm in telling Louis about his mom and Gemma, and even his father? He could just skip over the past few years and talk about his childhood. That sounded like a good plan.

“My mother is really the greatest person I’ve ever met. She always used to take me and my older sister, Gemma to the circus, you know? She’d tell us that even though people would say they were circus freaks, they were just doing what they wanted, and we should admire that. My dad was different though. He wasn’t very optimistic, just always told us to focus on school and all that so we’d be successful. But he’s a father, and I suppose that’s what most of them are like, and he had our best interests in mind. He was always very practical and had set goals and things like that. My mother was nothing like that, never was. I think that’s why they’ve divorced, always had different ways of disciplining, and they just felt like it would work better if only one of them raised us.

When I was younger, I’d always wanted to travel. I had a book with all the different places I was going to go once I got old enough, and I carried it everywhere. Dad told me it was silly, and while he didn’t discourage it, he always told me to have a realistic plan, one that comes with schooling, like teaching, or being a doctor. He eventually accepted that I wasn’t going to be like him, and he’s supported my dreams ever since. Mom always loved the fact that I had a dream, and she used to tell me and Gemma to “follow the sun”. It’s always stuck with me which is why I finally began to travel, even though it did end up being with the circus. That phrase kind of became my mantra; I say it to myself nearly every day now, especially when I feel like leaving, but I need this. I need to do something with my life, and I need to prove him wrong. I need to prove that asshole wrong. He ruined my motherafter he married her, and I can’t ever talk to her again with him still there. He’s the reason Gems never comes to visit anymore. He’s the one that made me leave against my fucking will, and I need to prove I’m not everything he thought I was. I’m not- I’m not a disappointment, I’m more than that. I need to show him that.”

Harry could feel the tears welling up in his eyes and the lump in his throat and realized what he had said. He knew that Louis could sense that this was something big, something that Harry was deeply affected by, but he didn’t even ask what it was about. Instead, he just sat up and wrapped his arms around Harry and held him, somehow knowing that was all Harry needed. He intertwined their fingers and sighed deeply.  
“Harry, you don’t have to tell any more than you have, but don’t keep it all in. It’ll just bubble to the surface and end up spilling over violently, burning everyone around it. If you don’t want to talk, then write, or go somewhere and yell into the silence, or something, but you’ve got to let it all out somehow. Promise me you’ll let it out soon?” he begged.

“I promise,” Harry whispered shakily. He looked into Louis’s eyes and saw him looking back hesitantly. Louis opened his mouth and then closed it again, shaking his head.

“What were you about to say?” Harry asked. Louis took a deep breath and spoke.

“I-I was going to ask you if I could kiss you, but I don’t want to ruin this moment. I want to be enough for you, and make you happy, and I don’t want to do it with a kiss because it just doesn’t feel right to me. You’re my sun, and I’ve been so much happier since you got here, ask anyone, and I want to kiss you so badly, but I want you to be content with everything else in your life before we dive into whatever this might become,” he said, nearly tripping over his words in a hurry to get it all out.

Harry didn’t understand. He thought that Louis being his happiness was exactly what he wanted, and he told Louis just that.

“Can’t we just hold off on this for a while? I promise, that’s the last thing I wanna do, but I just need to see you fix whatever is hurting you,” Louis countered. He lay back down on the bed beside Harry and faced him. “Just let me help you be happy.”

Harry nodded reluctantly. “Okay. We can do that.”

“But, you told me about you, and I haven’t told you anything about me. I had a pretty great childhood up until my mom remarried my stepfather. I haven’t spoken to my family in years, Haz, and I probably never will; I don’t want that for you too. You deserve to have a mother that cares about you. I’ve heard how you talk about her; you want to be back in her life, I know it.”

“I’ve got you and the boys. Can’t that be enough?” Harry whispered.

Truthfully, he was scared to contact his mother. He had said so many hurtful things to her the day he left, and he wanted to leave it all behind. Louis could be his new life, and they could be happy. He loved Louis more than he had ever loved anyone, and sometimes he loved him so much that he felt his heart could burst with the emotion. All Harry wanted now was to be happy, and he was happiest when he was with Louis.

“Harry, please. Just listen to what I have to say, and if you still don’t want to talk to your mother, then I won’t make you. I just–listen,” Louis said quietly.

Harry turned to face Louis. “Okay.”

“When I was about 14, I told my mother that I was gay, and she was fine with it. The area we lived in wasn’t too accepting, but her hometown in England was, so she was as well. She told me that I was her son, and nothing could ever change that, and that she loved me unconditionally. But then after about a year, she started dating a guy, and the way she acted towards me changed. He was incredibly homophobic, always talking about how gays needed to burn in hell and all that. Then I guess one of the girls accidently let it slip that I was seeing a boy, and then the abuse started. He– fuck, he beat me, nearly every day, and my mother knew about it, and didn’t say a fucking word about it. He broke my arm, Harry, and she continued to let it happen. I knew I had to get out and that the girls were going to be fine if I left, so I got a job. When I had finally gotten enough money to get me to Chicago, I packed what I could take and was ready to leave, but they found out a few days before I was set to leave and the next day, nearly half my money was gone.

I didn’t want to stay there anymore, I couldn’t, but I had no way to get to Chicago, and god, I’m not proud of what I did to get the money. I was panicked and desperate and I broke into my neighbor’s house. They were so kind, and took care of us when we needed it. They were the ones who took me to the hospital when I broke my arm, and I stole from them. I took some expensive jewelry, and pawned it off for money, and I left. I was only 17 when I left, same as you, and I traveled from New York City to Chicago on a train alone. When I got here, the circus was just starting up, and I joined. Then, a year after I was in the circus, we made a stop in New York City, and my mom brought my siblings to see the show, not knowing I was in it, and words were exchanged. I told her that I never wanted to see her again, and that she didn’t deserve to call me her son because of what she did, or rather what she didn’t do. She tried to tell me she still cared about me, and offered to give me their new home address and I walked away after telling her that if I ever saw her at the show again, I would–I threatened to kill her.”

Tears shone on Louis’s cheeks, and he wiped them away frantically and hid his face in his arms. Harry gently touched Louis’s arm, and coaxed his face out from his arms. He kissed Louis’s nose, making him blush furiously, and wrapped Louis in his arms. “I’ll talk to my mom, but Lou, can you do something for me?”

Louis looked up, surprised that Harry agreed. “Yes, love, anything.”

“Well, you said your mom wanted told you she still cared about you, and I think she does.” Harry said timidly.

“Harry, no–“

“Lou, please. I want you to try and find your mother too. We’re on our way to New York right now, and I’m sure we’ll have time to go into the city. Just try and find them, Louis. You always talk about your sisters; don’t you want to talk _to_ them? See how they are?” he insisted.

Louis looked hesitant. “I want to do anything for you, love, but this is difficult for me. I don’t want to see her and then have her tell me it was a mistake, that she doesn’t want me anymore.”

Harry’s heart skipped a few beats. He hated seeing Louis like this. Louis was supposed to be the strong one, helping everyone when they needed help. Seeing him weak and vulnerable was heartbreaking. “Lou, how anyone could say they don’t want to see you is beyond me. You are the most amazing person I have ever met in my life, and I know that might not be enough for you, but it’s as much as I can give you. You are the reason I’m still here, because without you I might not have stayed in the circus. You’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Louis ears flushed and he smiled. “I haven’t heard anyone say that to me in years. Thank you.”

“So, will you try to find her? Your mom, I mean.” Harry asked. He needed Louis to do this, because he could tell that Louis missed them and needed them back in his life. He only wanted Louis to be happy.

“I think I could be convinced.” he said, smiling through his tears.

Harry grinned. Maybe they could have a chance at being happy. Then, Louis spoke again.

“But, you have to promise me something. Just one thing.”

“Yes, of course. What is it?” Harry asked. He would do anything for Louis.

Louis sighed. “I know you’re not gonna like this, but I want you to leave the circus. You aren’t happy here, and why not travel on your own? You said your mother has money from your stepfather, and if you can convince her to give you some, then you’re all set. No, don’t say no,” he begged, seeing the look on Harry’s face. “If you want me to go see my mom, then you’ve got to leave the circus. I’ve seen the way you get when people call us circus freaks. You’re not like us, you let it get to you, and that’s not going to change.”

How could he ever ask Harry to quit? Louis knew that Harry had wanted to travel his whole life, and there was no way he could find nearly enough money to get around on his own. Besides, he didn’t want to go on his own. Harry had always dreamed of finding someone to travel with him, and the only person he could think of going with him was Louis, but there was no way Louis would go with him. But then again, it couldn’t hurt to ask, right?

“I don’t know, Lou. It’s a lot of work, traveling on your own. I’m barely 18, and I don’t have enough money, and I don’t have anyone to come with me, and–”

“I’ll come with you.” Louis interjected, and then immediately looked surprised that he had even said that. “I mean, I get it if you don’t want me along, but I could go. I want to go. Only if you would like me to, though. I could help out with the money, and we could have so much fun.”  
Oh, god. Louis wanted to go with Harry. He really wanted to go. This is possibly the best day of Harry’s life. Except for maybe the one time Gemma and his mom surprised him with train tickets to Chicago. Actually, no, this definitely beat that, and right. Louis was still waiting for an answer.

“I-I’d love for you to come with me,” he said shakily, still not believing this was real.

“So, does that mean you’ll leave the circus and find your mother, then?” Louis asked eagerly.

“Yeah, it does. But don’t think you’re getting out of seeing your mom too.”

Louis chuckled. “I’m actually a bit excited to see them. Thank you.”

He gently laid his hand on Harry’s cheek and kissed his forehead. “Can this be enough for tonight? I’m not really up for practice tonight.”

Harry smiled. “Yes,” he responded happily, and really, he was feeling a bit happier. Louis had just agreed to traveling the states with him, and he wanted to stay on Harry’s bed all night. “This is all I want to do tonight. This is enough.”

They just stared at each other in silence, Harry watching the way Louis’s eyes seemed to shimmer in the dim light, and Louis staring into Harry’s eyes passionately, and really, this was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> hi so that's my first ever fic i hope it didn't suck and there is a sequel coming soon (like hopefully before thanksgiving but not anytime very soon bc i have summer work to do) with all the smut and post circus life. also i am so sorry it seems rushed but my computer deleted my work near the end of may so i had to start over. that is all


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